That’s what I said

Since I didn’t get to enjoy a good luck fuck tonight (*teehee*) I’ve been looking through old notebooks for thoughts and ideas about improving the workplace that I’ve written down over the years. There’s a definite, repeating group of themes in these scribbles: money/budget, weight/exercise/time management, school/career ideas, and, of course, men. I found seversl notes about what I’m looking for in a man, they’re all still valid but it seems that the list is getting longer and more specific as the years pass.

2008

2009

2010

2016

Rebel

Guess who isn’t coming over because he needs to work on the letter of recommendation he’s writing for me. That’s as good an excuse as any, I guess. I think it’s time for me to cut that particular kind of chocolate out of my life, or my bed at least. Was just hoping it would be more of a weaning process. It’s been three weeks so perhaps that means I went cold turkey and didn’t even know it. Still… You know if he asks I’ll say yes. I like to rebel just as much as he does. 
Update: after he finished the letter he texted to say he could come over and “provide oral support” (lol), I told him it was too late and I needed to rest up for my interview. 😊

Why ask why?

I don’t understand how I can be writing about how wonderful Dateguy is in one post and the very next piece of information is my excitement that Unionguy might visit tonight. Why is that? But, then again, why not. Yolo, right? Also, I’m a whore. Lol

I did send that happy birthday text today, btw. Aaaand it turns out his birthday is on Friday. Which is what happens when you don’t write shit down. Nevertheless, I was the first to say it and he appreciated it and that’s all that counts. I wasn’t just trying to get him into my bed, I really meant it. Actually, if anything, I’m trying to keep him out of my bed. But I think we can all agree that I’m really not trying very hard. I’m not inviting him anymore, though. He has to bring up the subject, as he did when he dropped in to visit today. He grabbed me and kissed me before he left. Was fun. That’s all. 

Get ready 

Get your arms ready for a great big hug, he said. I’m on the way.

We couldn’t decide what to watch so we turned on some music and danced in the living room. We talked and flirted and kissed and touched and it was so so nice. 

To spend time with a giver who isn’t needy and desperate is dreamy. He thinks so too. 

For instance, I was trying to figure out how to have a Bev night on Friday when we haven’t been able to be together for the past three weekends. Then he said he was doing something with his friend on Saturday. So I can pressure wash the driveway and maybe do a little work in the afternoon, maybe do some work, I’ll have Bev night on Saturday and sleep in on Sunday. Win, Win, win. My favourite. 

Something else that was funny today – he has a bubble of happy too. We agreed that we like being a part of each other’s bubble. 

Step 2

Today I was given an appointment for my first interview, which will be by phone on Thursday. 

I’ve spent the rest of the day wishing I had a cheat sheet of questions so I can start preparing. It’s harder by phone sometimes because you don’t have the advantage of seeing their expression and body language. On the other hand, I guess, they won’t see me fumble or pick my nose so you have to take the bad with the good. 

How will I prepare? I’m going to get exercising again, to start. And then ill review the notes of ideas I’ve been entering in notebooks for the past near decade. Maybe I’ll try writing out answers to expected questions. I wish I could talk it out more with someone, out loud practice. That is a bit of a struggle for me. I’m pretty easy going, which will be beneficial on the job because it allows me to be open minded and flexible, however, it also makes it hard to stay focused and express myself sometimes. I’m sure I’ll do well enough to get to the next level but I want this woman to hang up the phone and think – wow, this chick really has it all figured out!

Wish me luck!

Mr Wonderful 

I am falling so hard for Dateguy. It’s kind of gross. This is fun, I’ve never had it build like this before. Without desperation and yearning, without the battle and the headache, waiting to see if you can find a way to squeeze some good out of it. 

We just have so much damn fun together! I think we are both people who like to be kind to ourselves and others, and we were with people who didn’t know how to be kind back (a.k.a. selfish assholes). I look at him sometimes and I’m just swooning. I’m very attracted to him; I like his smell and his penis and his humour and his hands… have I told you about the hands??

Such a fucking cutie.

Yes, it’s a matter of fact I am still talking about him

You know what the problem is? I don’t think I want to be in a full, long term relationship with him but I’m just so fucking glad he’s a part of my life! He fills up my cup. He makes me want to do better, to try harder, to be all I can be. That is not sustainable in a deep relationship, I don’t think. Or it would get diluted. 

I want the dances in the kitchen, the man who is excited to see me and wants me as much as I want him. That is Dateguy. 

But Unionguy is like chocolate. An indulgence that I enjoy but simply isn’t healthy to have all the time. Chocolate tastes so good and I always want more, but it’s better in small doses.