Saturday on a Friday 

Having the best weather in NSM, ON today! Just spent a couple of hours cleaning up the yard. My fore arms are all scratched and on fire (seasonal allergies much?) but I was in complete heaven. This is what I want in my life.

I was pooped and hungry so I mixed myself up a wicked salad. Stole this recipe from a restaurant way back and adapted it a little over time. So full of yum!

Walnut & Pear Salad

Chicken 

Lettuce 

Cucumber 

Canned Pears

Craisens

Walnuts 

Goat cheese

Salt & pepper 

Poppy seed dressing 

You don’t have to, but you can

To date I have lost 49 pounds, completely without effort. But that’s 49 pounds from my heaviest, which was a few years ago, and about 20 lost since I left Miul and moved out on my own.

People always ask how I’m losing weight, what am I doing different, why am seeing results that I hadn’t seen previously. I’m going to share my secret with you: I have no idea. But if there was one thing I could attribute it to is that I fell in love… with salad.

I hear people complain about having to eat salad when they’re trying to lose weight all the time and it makes me sad. Perspective, my friends. You don’t “have” to do anything. You need to turn things around and find a way to see them differently. 

Salad is the most diverse and fun food I’ve ever eaten. Not only is it quick and economical, I genuinely enjoy the process of putting different variations together. 

Sometimes, when I’m looking for inspiration, I’ll recreate meals I already know and love – such as my sub salad from yesterday. Sometimes I’m broke and don’t have much to spend on groceries so the ingredients are completely determined by what’s in the fridge/cupboard – like today’s lunch (which turned out way better than expected!). 

Anyway, as inspiration for those who feel they “have” to eat healthy, I thought I’d share some of my simple concoctions. Because I’m a giver! And, quite frankly, I’m tired of only talking about boys all the time. lol 

First, a few basics: I keep individual portions of meat in the freezer (chicken, ham, taco beef, etc) so I can just pop them into the microwave for 40 seconds while I prep the rest. I also try to keep washed lettuce on hand as much as possible. Lastly, you will rarely find less than two types of cheese in my fridge, it’s usually five or more (old cheddar, white cheddar, feta, parmesan, goat cheese, etc).

Kitchen sink salad

Chicken

Lettuce

Boiled egg, chopped

Tomato 

Cucumber 

Walnuts

Craisens

Feta

Pepper

Balsamic vinegar 

Ranch

Salad up!

Subway salad (because it’s all the things I get on my sub at Subway, silly)

Chicken

Bacon

Cheddar

Lettuce

Tomato 

Cucumber 

Fried onions*

Pickles 

Banana peppers

Salt and Pepper 

Ranch

* I don’t get fried onions at Subway but I totally would if they had them!

Pro tip: Salad is better for dinner because you can pair it with a bottle… er, I mean glass of your favourite wine

Wednes-whata-day!

Lunch!

Then sex! Amazing amazing sex!

Pretty much nothing but happiness and sunshine since. Got stoned, ate junk food, napped a few times, rode my battery operated boyfriend once or twice, went to work, hung out with really fantastic people, and lived my life for me.

It’s getting a little boring now, though. I’m ready to try again. Time to get up and get busy. 

What will I accomplish? Nobody knows.

I’m excited to find out. 

BS Meetings

I asked GM (my boss) to take me to the gym with her on Monday after work for a brain storming session about some upcoming events I need her help with. We talked on the elliptical and stair master, then we went for a salad at Wendy’s to write up notes and make an action plan. It worked so well we’re turning it into a weekly meeting and calling it our BS Meeting 😃

Stress

I’m overwhelmed at the overwhelming sense of being overwhelmed I’m experiencing today. A large part of my job involves following up and reaching out and being a part of my community and, to be frank, I didn’t do any of that over the past two months. I was focused on myself, my relationship, my move, my crush, my new life and work stuff was pushed into the background. Now I am paying the price. Usually averaging about 4 move ins per month, this month I have one so far with the promise of another. And they were just flukes that anyone in this role could have done.

I had very high hopes for another success this morning. I was full steam ahead, guns blazing, enthusiastic and confident. But when I heard that they had chosen my competition/nemesis/former employer, all the fight went out of me. I felt myself just deflate, so much so that I can even see a difference in my reflection.

Today it really slapped me in the face how few healthy coping mechanisms I was taught growing up. Can’t blame my mother, it’s obvious she doesn’t know how to recognize her shit either; my dad felt everything but pushed it away or yelled it out. This is a large part of the reason why I have been attempting to re-raise myself for the past decade, to go back and fix the things they screwed up or missed. I thought I was pretty much done but there’s always something new hiding in there to slap me in the face when I least expect it.

It is a rare event that I recognize my feelings as they are happening. I basically grew up keeping everything inside and simply avoided the things I didn’t understand. When I couldn’t hide from them, I dealt with my problems by eating, drinking, smoking and crushing. The problem right now is that I’m consciously not allowing myself to avoid it. I’m taking it out and turning it around to get a good look at it. And it is fucking hard, yo. No wonder I spent a lifetime with my head in the ground, worrying about other people instead of myself.

I could say – and want to say – that I brought this shit on myself by not doing my job to the best of my abilities. But I also think I need to cut myself some slack. I went through some major life changes in the past two months and I needed to see my old coping mechanisms to recognize them once and for all. And what’s past is past, I can’t go back and do the things I neglected. All I can do is move forward with my improved self knowledge and keep trying. But can’t I just curl up into a ball and cry for a couple of days first? Please?

Crap.