Sometimes

Do I feel like there’s something wrong with me because I’m alone? Sometimes.

Do I doubt I will find the one I am looking for? Sometimes. 

Do I feel unlovable and wonder what I’m doing wrong, why I keep attracting the wrong people, how I can be still alone at 45 years old? Sometimes. 

But most of the time I remind myself that this, too, shall pass. This is a moment in time, a mere blink in a long and full life. I’m not settling again. Someone isn’t good enough. I want it all. And I’m damn well going to get it. 

You don’t have to, but you can

To date I have lost 49 pounds, completely without effort. But that’s 49 pounds from my heaviest, which was a few years ago, and about 20 lost since I left Miul and moved out on my own.

People always ask how I’m losing weight, what am I doing different, why am seeing results that I hadn’t seen previously. I’m going to share my secret with you: I have no idea. But if there was one thing I could attribute it to is that I fell in love… with salad.

I hear people complain about having to eat salad when they’re trying to lose weight all the time and it makes me sad. Perspective, my friends. You don’t “have” to do anything. You need to turn things around and find a way to see them differently. 

Salad is the most diverse and fun food I’ve ever eaten. Not only is it quick and economical, I genuinely enjoy the process of putting different variations together. 

Sometimes, when I’m looking for inspiration, I’ll recreate meals I already know and love – such as my sub salad from yesterday. Sometimes I’m broke and don’t have much to spend on groceries so the ingredients are completely determined by what’s in the fridge/cupboard – like today’s lunch (which turned out way better than expected!). 

Anyway, as inspiration for those who feel they “have” to eat healthy, I thought I’d share some of my simple concoctions. Because I’m a giver! And, quite frankly, I’m tired of only talking about boys all the time. lol 

First, a few basics: I keep individual portions of meat in the freezer (chicken, ham, taco beef, etc) so I can just pop them into the microwave for 40 seconds while I prep the rest. I also try to keep washed lettuce on hand as much as possible. Lastly, you will rarely find less than two types of cheese in my fridge, it’s usually five or more (old cheddar, white cheddar, feta, parmesan, goat cheese, etc).

Kitchen sink salad

Chicken

Lettuce

Boiled egg, chopped

Tomato 

Cucumber 

Walnuts

Craisens

Feta

Pepper

Balsamic vinegar 

Ranch

Salad up!

Subway salad (because it’s all the things I get on my sub at Subway, silly)

Chicken

Bacon

Cheddar

Lettuce

Tomato 

Cucumber 

Fried onions*

Pickles 

Banana peppers

Salt and Pepper 

Ranch

* I don’t get fried onions at Subway but I totally would if they had them!

Pro tip: Salad is better for dinner because you can pair it with a bottle… er, I mean glass of your favourite wine

Wednes-whata-day!

Lunch!

Then sex! Amazing amazing sex!

Pretty much nothing but happiness and sunshine since. Got stoned, ate junk food, napped a few times, rode my battery operated boyfriend once or twice, went to work, hung out with really fantastic people, and lived my life for me.

It’s getting a little boring now, though. I’m ready to try again. Time to get up and get busy. 

What will I accomplish? Nobody knows.

I’m excited to find out. 

This is so much better

It feels different. Fun. Free. I don’t know if he notices a difference but I certainly do. 

It’s even better, dammit!!!!!

See? That’s why I’m always comfortable going through a shitty time, when I don’t know how things are going to work out, but it seems pretty bad. Because the other side of the fence? Where everything is greener? It’s amazing. 

He didn’t use his safe word even once! I bet he wanted to.