Today I had a little blast from the past type reminder of what my life used to be like with Miul… 15 texts in less than 2 minutes. Here’s a snapshot:
Apparently he found out that I was back on Tumblr. He said he couldn’t be on there if I was. He needs that support system, I have this, so I deleted the new posts and told him so. I almost told him I was on there as a way to connect with and be a support for him again but I knew that was best left unsaid.
I told him I was sorry about his uncle, that I deleted the Tumblr posts and would stay away. I also asked that he pull back on the text attack or I would have to block his number and he wouldn’t be able to reach me anymore. That seemed to get through and he backed off, thankfully.
I feel so badly for him, for the hell he puts himself though. But this has been a part of my life since 2010 and I know without a doubt that having me in his life will not fix the problem; it might give the anxiety and PTSD an outlet but ruining my life won’t make his life better. That was a long, difficult and hard-learned lesson but being with him changed me and I’m thankful for it.