Part one – What saddens me

What saddens me most is that I never go the opportunity to know him, really know him. Beyond the pleasantries and advice, beyond the bedroom and flirting. I wish I’d known all of him, the whole package.

And I wanted him to know me. To know how much I would be happy to rub ointment on his legs when they are hurting, to make him a sandwich, to tease and argue with him. I wanted to give to him, although I still don’t know if he is capable of receiving in that manner.

What do I know? Maybe knowing him that way would have shown me why we shouldn’t be together. Maybe she gives to him in that way so he doesn’t need it from me. Maybe the end would have been the same, no matter what happened in the middle. It makes me sad. That is all.

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