I feel terrible today. So sluggish and lethargic, no energy, no drive to do anything. Basically you could say my ‘get up and go’ got up and went. And it’s not just that I’m tired, my stomach feels weak, my movements are slow, my head is heavy.
It made me think back to the days when this was a regular state of being for me. So I checked my old inventory:
Did I get enough sleep? Not a ton but definitely sufficient. Especially counting my weekend naps.
How about exercise? Yes, a bit of walking and gardening on the weekend, 20 minutes of cardio this morning.
Meals on time? Yogurt and granola for breakfast, salad for lunch. Sufficient.
Stressed? Fuck yes. This weekend was kind of overwhelming, but should that make me yawn so much?
Meds? On time and up to date.
Caffeinated? As much as ever.
Relationships? Oh, please don’t get me started on what a bloody shit show this weekend has been. (Just kidding, you know I’ll fill you in later!)
I don’t want to work, I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want to think. I want to eat, and I find myself disappointed that I know logically and emotionally that food is not the medicine that heals, in fact I think it would make me feel worse.
And that’s when the answer hit me. I ate nothing but crap all weekend. For at least three days I’ve eaten nothing healthy; pasta and alfredo sauce, McDonald’s, Wendy’s twice, buttertarts and ice cream galore. My body is craving more crap but I think it’s the crap that is holding me down.
Just as it has for the better part of my adult life. But not since I started eating salads and vegetables, not since I began making an effort to give my body the fuel it needs to run efficiently.
Dammit. Guess I won’t be getting pizza for dinner.