No bow

I keep telling myself that I should tell Unionguy that I’m in a relationship now but every time I speak with him I avoid the subject. I know I want to put my all into this thing with Dateguy, so why the hesitation? 

I think there is more than one reason. First of all, we seem to have backed off the sex aspect of our relationship naturally. We still talk from time to time, I got overly excited when I saw him last week but we don’t discuss having sex anymore. It only happened when I invited him over, anyway, and I don’t do that now. Second, what if things don’t work out with Dateguy? I mean, I obviously hope this lasts but it’s early days and anything could happen at this point. I don’t want to close this door when I’m not yet over the threshold of the next. Thirdly, I like talking to him, he explains the world to me in a way I understand and a way no one else ever has. I don’t feel so lost in the universe as I did before I met him. And most importantly I think, definitely the reason that just came to me as I hung up the phone with him, I genuinely value his friendship and I want him in my life. Not that he’d never speak with me again if I officially take sex off the table but would he make as much effort as a chum as he does a prospective bedmate? I don’t know, but I also don’t know if I want to find out right now. 

Maybe this is one thing I don’t need to tie neatly with a bow, maybe this can just be. As it always has been. We have a sexual tension between us that I enjoy. I’m not going to act on it, I just don’t want to kill it. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?

(The first thing he said when he called was “you’re probably going to have to talk me down off a ledge because I am really excited about this job opportunity for you!”)

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