Today was the first time I saw him since our last booty call. In the meantime Date guy and I decided to be exclusive, which took future booty calls with Unionguy off the table. I’m okay with it, I’ve been been avoiding him for sure but, overall, I’m happy with the trajectory of my life right now.
Then frickin UG comes walking by as I’m having lunch with a prospect and my heart starts to pound and my palms get sweaty and I’m distracted because all I can think is don’t look at him, don’t look at him. I did, of course, and he’s so fucking charming and sexy I want to punch him in the nose.
That’s my emotional self reacting, though. My logical self knows Date guy is so much better for me. Last night, for instance, we watched a movie and I put my head in his lap as he smoothed my hair and rubbed my back. Right? Fucking sweetheart or what? Shit, I’ve wanted someone like that since I was a kid. Then I took him into my bed and fucked his brains out, which I have also wanted since i was a kid. (Lol Just kidding… wanted to make sure you’re paying attention.)
Date guy wants me and only me. He slaps my ass in bed, he snuggles in the best way. I think we could go the distance.
But I have an unexplainable physical reaction to Unionguy that I can’t explain or control. If I was in a relationship with him, though? He would own me. I would be an absolute slave to him and that would make me miserable. I wouldn’t feel good enough, I wouldn’t trust that he wanted to be with me and I would never trust that he’d be faithful to me. It’s all one sided, anyway. I see him turn on the charm all the time. It has nothing to do with me, it’s just the way he is. I’m just some sucker with a vagina who wanted to take it further. But that’s over now.
Will I be able to be friends with him without this crazy attraction? I want to, but I just don’t know.