I’m just sad I guess. About the turns life takes you through sometimes. The things you feel so sure of, so strongly believe in, and suddenly you have to find a way to leave them behind.
I love him so much. He is everything I want in the man I will share my life with.
Except, Beverly… don’t forget the except…
Except he doesn’t want me back.
I keep hanging on. Hoping something will change. It won’t. I need to let him go. But the moment I do, he’ll knock at my office door with that sparkle in his eyes, and he’ll smell so good, and he’ll be patient and kind and loving in his words about his kids or someone who is lost. And I will fall all over again.
It’s not me, it’s him. I get that. He doesn’t want me. It’s not personal. It’s not to make me feel any less important or beautiful or good. Maybe it’s just bad timing, maybe there are things I don’t know, maybe if I had him I’d understand and wouldn’t want him anyway.
But right now? In this very moment? I wish we would be together as long as we both have breath in our bodies.
Will I never love someone and have them love me at the same time?
*Yes, I believe it. I just don’t know who or when.