I spent the whole day stuck in my office with the door closed. It was fine; I had calls to make, the database needs updating at some point. But to have a quiet day and then come home to a quiet house makes me feel so lonely.
I chose this career for the busyness, the no two days the same, the challenge, the go go go. But it’s rarely like that in my current role. In sales it’s call people who don’t want to talk to you, who think you are trying to push. Maybe I should start by saying I’m just freaking lonely, won’t you talk to me and tell me about your life?
When I am a GM, people will want to talk to me, they will expect me to be looking out for their wellbeing, they will appreciate my kind heart.
And I’m starting to fill the void with booze and junk food again. I’m frustrated and tired. I don’t want to want Unionguy anymore, I want to want someone else who wants me back. I want to have purpose and drive and a reason to fucking get out of bed in the morning. I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I do it as I should, I show up, I just don’t want to.
What am I going to do about that, I wonder? Wait?