Peter misses Joy

I misses Unionguy. 

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Drunk much?

I’m doing great with my no alcohol text rule… except for the fact that im in the middle of conversations with Dateguy, Unionguy and my mom. No dirty talk yet, though. Except with my mom, obv. 😁

How sad is that?

I used to carry my mother’s wedding rings, my passport, and a thumb drive of pictures and important computer files in my purse, just in case I needed to make a quick getaway. Because on any given day, I never knew what or who I was coming home to. I don’t miss that life at all.

 

Challenge me

Go ahead, tell me I can’t do something that I think I can do. I dare you.

Tell me I’m doing a great job when I feel I’m just okay? I’ll do a little less.

Tell me I can’t do a job that I don’t think I can do? I will thank you for your candor and go on my merry way.

But tell me I can’t do something I know I can do?? Look out.

And it’s not that anyone has said bluntly that they don’t think I can do it, I just feel an air of “don’t tell Bev but…” My Director of Regional Sales was on site today and she said there are other internal applications for the job. She said she was concerned I won’t be able to keep up with the administrative side of things because someone else who was new said they were struggling. She said she likes me in the role I’m doing now because I’m so good at it.

And I am. But I will be so much better at the other.

I need a challenge to do my best work. I need to always have to push myself, to try harder, to try different. I need to be uncomfortable and looking for ways to do better. I will be doing this job soon and I will excel at it. I don’t care who else they are considering or what their reasoning is, I am the best person for this job and I’ll tell you why.

Of the 104 residents we currently have, I have brought in 54 of them. I am well known and trusted in this community. They are excited for me, they want this for me.

I have been working toward this job for nearly nine years, I have solely concentrated on learning to do this job for six years. I have work and/or life experience in every department. I have done all of the roles personally and have insight into what the staff are dealing with, what works, what doesn’t work and why. 

I have waited tables and cleaned apartments, I have been a receptionist and a salesperson, I have developed marketing strategies, social activities and made an excellent reputation for myself in the community. I have drawn up and followed budgets, hired and fired vendors, and dealt with customer compliments and complaints. I’ve dealt with nurses and doctors, I’ve trained and led staff, I’ve helped build an extremely successful business from scratch, and I’ve watched another die a slow death. I have watched my parent go through the final stages of his life; I know what it’s like to hold the hand of someone who is leaving this world and I have felt the joy and heartbreak that can bring. I get it, I know I can do this. I don’t think I can do this, I know I can do this!

And I will be better than the person before me. I love her, I have learned a lot from her, I feel she is an excellent manager and I am sad to see her go. (But, quite frankly, that is just another part of the manifestation of my life – she’s opening this opportunity for me but still staying in my region? Are you kidding me?) But I have skills that she has yet to develop. All it will take is more attention to detail. We are asking a premium dollar for a discount property. Sure, the place has benefits and natural beauty, there is strength in our parent company and our reputation is improving but is that enough? She has taken us to standard, we are compliant and organized; I will take us to the next level.

They are going to be shocked to find out the things I have been keeping in my back pocket all this time. Resident satisfaction surveys? I’ve been asking residents and their families what they think and what they want for years! Oh. the ideas, the drive, the energy I have for this place? Look out because I am coming to town!!

P.S. And I’m getting a dog!!! What what? Aw yeah baby! And other exciting motivating words!!

Or

Or maybe, just maybe, I want to keep Unionguy in the wings as ammunition just in case I start feeling vulnerable with Dateguy. 

Hmmm… that’s actually a possibility. 

*sigh*

No bow

I keep telling myself that I should tell Unionguy that I’m in a relationship now but every time I speak with him I avoid the subject. I know I want to put my all into this thing with Dateguy, so why the hesitation? 

I think there is more than one reason. First of all, we seem to have backed off the sex aspect of our relationship naturally. We still talk from time to time, I got overly excited when I saw him last week but we don’t discuss having sex anymore. It only happened when I invited him over, anyway, and I don’t do that now. Second, what if things don’t work out with Dateguy? I mean, I obviously hope this lasts but it’s early days and anything could happen at this point. I don’t want to close this door when I’m not yet over the threshold of the next. Thirdly, I like talking to him, he explains the world to me in a way I understand and a way no one else ever has. I don’t feel so lost in the universe as I did before I met him. And most importantly I think, definitely the reason that just came to me as I hung up the phone with him, I genuinely value his friendship and I want him in my life. Not that he’d never speak with me again if I officially take sex off the table but would he make as much effort as a chum as he does a prospective bedmate? I don’t know, but I also don’t know if I want to find out right now. 

Maybe this is one thing I don’t need to tie neatly with a bow, maybe this can just be. As it always has been. We have a sexual tension between us that I enjoy. I’m not going to act on it, I just don’t want to kill it. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?

(The first thing he said when he called was “you’re probably going to have to talk me down off a ledge because I am really excited about this job opportunity for you!”)

He might be reading my diary

We danced! In the kitchen! I hugged him so hard. Fuck. How many times have I mentioned that here? A dozen? A billion?? I’ve wanted someone who would dance with me forever. 

Then we went for a drive. I was the passenger. He still opens the door for me. What?

Then! We’re in a big swanky neighbourhood and there’s someone stopped on the side of the road, he makes like he’s going to pull up next to them and says “ask them if they have any grey poupon!” I nearly died laughing. 

Then ice cream

Then love-making

Then snuggles for an hour. 

I don’t believe this man. 

Don’t.

But I fucking love it! 

😁

Then again, he said he loves my flat ass so I should probably end this immediately.