I said this instead 

“​I’m disappointed, I must admit. This secret lover stuff can be seriously shitty 😔 But you’re worth it and I’ll get over it. Chat soon”

He said he’s disappointed too.

Why are we still doing this, then? Why don’t you want me enough to really be with me? Is this all we’ll ever be? Is that enough for me?

Right now it is. But we all know I’m going to take what I can get and consequences be damned. Isn’t that who I am as a human being? I want what I want and if I can get it I’m going to have it. 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my attempts to manipulate people and situations to get what I want. I’ve always been that way. I’m confident that I mostly use my powers for good where other people are concerned, at least, but does that make it okay? One of the things I like best about this thing between us is that I can’t manipulate it, I can’t control it, I don’t know what will happen and I don’t know what’s coming. 

I’m not upset that he chose his son over me, in fact it only makes me love him more. I am upset that he seems to choose everything over me, except maybe himself. I choose him over everything, except maybe myself.

Maybe there’s a lesson in that somewhere. Maybe that’s our balance. Only time will tell for sure.


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