Today

I am crazy nervous today. Burned my shoulder curling my hair, lipstick all over my teeth, throbbing vagina kind of nervous. Excited kind of nervous. 

Today I will see him for the first time in a week. I will do my best to be pretty, witty and cool. I’ll probably be clutzy and dumb but I don’t care. All I want is to be in his presence again. For an hour or a moment, I just want to see him, to breathe the same air, to feel the electric current between us. I miss him like water, a thirst that I will still not quench but at least temper and ease to some small degree. 

Crest the roller coaster and fall down the other side, screaming laughter and lightheadedness, before beginning the slow rise up the next slope. 

I love him. I love him I love him I love him. And I want him, but I do not get to choose or control what comes next. So I will appreciate the thrill and hope I don’t derail and plunge into the precipice below. 

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