It should come as no surprise that he is still on my mind completely. I didn’t mention that I saw him on Friday when he was the Santa at a work function. I was cool, calm and collected, friendly, a teeny bit flirty but definitely didn’t cross any boundaries. I did notice that pretty much every time I looked at him, he was already looking at me. He texted me after and said he had fun. We chatted about it for a few minutes. The last and only thing I said about us was “We’re okay, yes?” and he said “Yes.” That’s the last time we communicated.
Anyway, since then I have been missing him more and more. I keep composing notes to him to explain, to tell him how I feel, to convince him to feel the same. But it just hit me – no. I’m not going to do that because 1. he already knows and 2. it won’t change anything.
I want more. I want him to come to me of his own free will. I want all of him and I want him to want only me. Otherwise this it would be no more than an exercise in futility. I have no idea what is going on with him, no idea how he feels or where he stands, and that’s just the way it is.
I will see him again on Friday. My fantasies are full of kissing him, ripping his clothes off, knocking him down and having my way with him, same old, same old. I won’t but I want.
It’s time for patience and acceptance. Now is the moment for me to believe; to trust that things will happen in the right way in the right time. I want him, I want him, I want him. But that doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want me enough to come get me.
(Come on, you amazing man who fills my heart, stretches my mind and arouses my body. Come get me.)