A letter to my friend, on the end of her father’s life

This is what I would like to say to you right now:


Before my dad passed away (also from cancer) my perception of the loss of a parent was much different than the reality. For a long time I described his death as a feeling I couldn’t understand without having been there; like initiation into a group I really didn’t want to belong to. But, unfortunately, we don’t get to choose such things.

So we look for the good.

My dad’s passing was one of the most beautiful, intimate moments of my life. It changed me immeasurably. I am much more compassionate now, more patient, I love more openly, and I write notes to old friends, whose hands I still wish I could hold as they go through this sadness.

I hope you are holding hands with friends and family right now. I hope your dad is surrounded with a sense of love and peace and wonder at what comes next. Cry now, because you will surely be sad and a little lost. But trust that soon you will be laughing through your tears as you remember what a wonderful man he is, was and will always be.


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