I must have written this after the consumption of much alcohol last night. Not very nice, me. Bitter much?

​Today’s thoughts, Tumblr edition:

You are a mother fucking idiot. After all this time you are still spending your life asking for handouts and pity. So sad.

You know this new guy? That I dumped you for and still smell every time I inhale? He’s a man. Like, considerate of others, not looking for excuses, doing his best even when he fucks up kind of man.

Shit, I am so happy you are out of my life. I want to be kind but I’m just so fucking overjoyed I can’t see straight. Especially when his big fat cock is squirting pleasure into my mouth.

Thanks for fucking up enough for me to get you out of my life for good.

Penis.

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Answers and wine

How is it that you don’t even know the right answer until you get it? I would have felt torn apart if I had let myself worry about it (so glad I don’t have to put myself through that anymore!) I knew I seriously needed some sexual activity and that I was crazy about UG but I also knew that I didn’t want to be in a deep relationship right now. There was no answer that gave me everything I wanted. All in or all out – isn’t that how it goes with me?

How about I still get to sext and flirt with UG, we can make out like teenagers from time to time (no sex!), my panties can still get wet, I can swoon and crush and fantasize, we can get to know each other on a deeper level without the pressures of dating and I don’t have to be in a deep committed relationship. Fucking perfect at this perfect moment in my life. Holy shit balls.

I don’t know what will happen. And I’m overjoyed about that. At this time last year I didn’t have the slightest inkling that my life would look like this one year later. When I met him in April I thought I was happy. Well, I guess I was happy because I am happy. But I was also stressed, frustrated, usually pissed off, engaging in terrible sex, taking care of a kid I didn’t want to take care of, cleaning up behind a man I wanted to strangle as often as I wanted to hug. (Sadly, he was not accepting of either.)

Flash forward 8 months – I have a new car, a new home, kicking fucking ass at work, this part time lover, and wine, lots and lots of wine. Going to go drink some more instead of sitting here writing about it. Later!

 

Magnetic story

I have had this magnet my whole life. Every Christmas since I was a kid, I have taken it out of a box, dusted it off, and hung it on my fridge – the door I saw more than any other throughout my childhood. Lol

I especially loved my magnet because it was really hard to find things with my name on them, because my name was common a bazillion years before I was born! (channeling my inner teen *ahem*) 

But then, one year, on Christmas day, I unwrapped the best magnet in the world. 

Beverly

It has been on my refrigerator door in Wabush, Labrador; Kelligrews, Newfoundland; Richmond, British Columbia; Langley, British Columbia; Renfrew, Ontario; and Barrie, Ontario. 

And yesterday, for the first time ever, I realized that my name wasn’t printed on it after all.

Someone printed my name on a sticker and glued it over some other name. 

What a scam.

Isn’t it wonderful that someone thought enough of me to go to the trouble? 

The feels

I’m laughing at myself for the little heart-skipping beat that happens in my chest every time I get a text, and I always feel excited/nervous when I check to see if it’s from him.

I’m enjoying the inner peace and outer quiet that comes from ending an unhealthy relationship. There is a freedom in it, an achievement. The trial is over, I have been released. Not guilty.

I’m really enjoying Christmas this year. Life is changing again. And it’s getting really fucking good.

The roller coaster of thrills and fears is climbing higher now, the drop will be incredible. Heed this warning: I may need to scream again.

But, you know something? The past few days, while I’ve been here and he’s been there, I have continuously feared receiving a note like I send to him. The breakup before the startup. It doesn’t feel very nice. Going to have to work on that.

 

The eggs

But then, in the back of your mind, you keep thinking “The eggs! The eggs! Stop counting them, they haven’t hatched!!!!”

Thankfully, the logical side of you knows better than to heed the pessimistic warnings of your youth. Count away. Revel in the joy that comes with anticipating the wonderful possibilities; it is your reason for living, after all. 

Count the eggs, count them every damn day if it makes you happy. Just be sure to step back and let them hatch naturally.

A nice Christmas 

The members of the families represented here tonight aren’t very nice. It’s not that they don’t treat each other well, it’s that they aren’t nice. 

UG is nice. I am very nice. I like being nice and I like it when others are nice to me. I think we would… sorry, we will be good together.

I like that I discovered his weakness before he told me about it. I like that he told me about it and that I already knew. I wonder what other weaknesses he has. I wonder what it would be like to argue with him. And what would we argue about.

I wonder about a lot of things. I like wondering. I like not knowing. Evolution. 

We’re going to have a lot of fun together. I’m excited about this. 

And inevitably there will come a day that things aren’t so fun anymore, for a while. There will be struggles and strife. We are human beings, that is the truth of life. But we will always be on the same team, we will treat each other with kindness and respect and naughty body parts, and that will make all the difference.

I always want to clarify, in case i didnt imply the ‘you or someone like you’ theory. Im planning the life I want, I’m putting it out into the universe. The love of my life might not be UG, but what do i know? Nothing. I’m pretty sure it’s him, though. But I do want some more research first. And delay and ease into the pleasure. And do sex. Oh god, and do sex.