I am disappoint

Sometimes I get so disappointed with the human race. People. Commitments mean nothing anymore, promises, your word is your bond is just bullshit. Even me. I am a people too.


At my work we (okay, I) have made a commitment to transport a group of people from here to there and circumstances beyond our control (read: the bus is in the shop) are causing us to cancel this week. That’s okay, life happens, but they will need to pay for alternate transportation and when I asked my boss if I could make a financial donation to their costs she said I shouldn’t offer it.

When I was leaving Miul, friends would ask me why I felt so obligated to him. Because I made a promise to be with him. I didn’t marry him and it’s not difficult to see why I hesitated in making that bigger commitment now, but still, there was a promise and I didn’t follow through with that promise. I still struggle with that.

So what? was the consensus. Put yourself first. Your needs are most important.

Do promises mean nothing?

When I used to spend time with my 9 year old Gem, I was always trying to instill in her the importance of not making promises she couldn’t keep. Even – actually, especially – to herself. If you make promises, it is important to keep them. Otherwise, simply don’t make the promise. To be trustworthy and good, you need to keep the promises you make. It’s just math.

But, according to the rest of the world, it doesn’t matter. We should all put ourselves first and screw everyone else that is depending on us and trusting us to follow through.

I understand I used to take it too far the other way. Me last is no better than me first. But sometimes another’s needs should come before our own. If for no other reason than the greater good. Dammit.




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