Worthless

Because, really, when I tap into my logical mind (which lags way, way, way behind my emotional self, apparently) I know that isn’t true. I’m not worthless.

I think it used to be true. I think I was worthy and didn’t know it. I allowed myself to feel worthless, and then allowed myself to be worthless.

To me, my worthless time was when I was consumed with me. My life completely revolved around me and I was more important than anyone or anything in the world. I was not prepared for how miserable it made me feel.

I recognized that unhappiness (after it kicked me in the face a few hundred times) and I did something about it. I let go of my “things” and gave of myself. I found a new career working with seniors. I moved home (the absolute last place I wanted to be) to help my mom when my dad was sick and to help my dad let go by staying for a year after he was gone. I entered a relationship with Miul with the intention of being a bright spot in his dark life.

I am good and I am kind. I try, I genuinely try to give of myself, to improve the world I live in, to make other people’s lives better. I care, with every fibre of my being, I care.

I know I was right the other day when I thought that the world wouldn’t be worse off if I wasn’t in it. But I am in it, and I can make it better.

I will make it better.

How can I make it better?

No worries, I’ll figure it out. =D

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