More

Enough is never enough, is it? I always want more. More food, more money, more attention, more space. Will I always want more? Will I never be content?

Damn, I miss Unionguy. I thought of him a million times today. Even though I was sure I had comfortably eradicated him from my world while I was off, it was my first day at work in nearly two weeks and I expected to see him come around corners. I looked for him in lounges. Every time I saw his mother I wanted to go over and casually slip him into the conversation. Yes, he’s gone on his trip now. Uh huh, back Friday… yup……. did… uh… did his…girlfriend go too?

Oh, Beverly, stop.

Why do I keep having these stupid, irrational, we could never be together, half-of-a-pair-of-star-crossed-lovers-but-the-guy-hasn’t-figured-it-out-yet-so-I’m-waiting-patiently kind of crushes? (Go ahead and read that line again. I’ll wait.)

 

But a crush is a crush is a crush. What will become of it? We’ll never be together. And, if we are, eventually one of us will walk away.

People always tell me how much they like me but how long is that going to last, quite frankly. I leave these men when I feel like they have left me. You aren’t holding up your end of the bargain, pal, I’m out… even if I was the one who bargained both sides. But usually their only job is to acknowledge my existence. I don’t think that’s a lot to ask, is it? Maybe it’s not enough to ask.

Every relationship seems to get to the point where I feel like the other person is telling me I’m wrong. Like, essentially wrong. Like, as a human being.

Maybe they’re right. Maybe there is something wrong with me.

Maybe there’s something wrong with everyone else.

Maybe that’s just the story I keep telling myself.

Maybe it doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t be left alone. I get too whiny. And it’s no fun when there’s no one to listen.

Guess that’s why I’m back to surfing solo again. Interesting.

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