IDK

Staying at my sister’s tonight. I woke this morning to Unionguy’s several hilarious texts of fun games our residents could play, including ‘Champagne walker races’ and ‘Mother may I… wrap a bun in a napkin and take it from the dining room.’

What a wonderful way to start the day… giggling. Then I drove nearly four hours to get here through the most amazing Ontario fall landscapes. 

While I was driving I thought about how much I enjoy not knowing what will happen between us. I don’t worry about a delay in replying to a message because I have absolutely no idea what is happening in his day. I love not knowing when I’ll see or hear from him because it makes contact such a wonderful surprise. I’m glad I don’t know what the future holds because it means the most amazing possibilities have yet to transpire. 

Then, now, sitting on this bed in the dark I wonder. Will he ever be here with me? Will he play the major role in my life as I hope or will he never want me the way I want him?

As much as I don’t want these answers yet, I get impatient and wish I could move closer to them. Truth be told, more than anything else, I want to touch and be touched by him. I want that so much.

For now I’ll continue forward, trusting that my life will unfold as it should and intending for him to someday be a part of it. Until I know differently, that is what I want and that is what in will concentrate my energies on. Intention, to live forward with possibility and hope. That’ll do for now.

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