That is what Unionguy said to me today. We had a nice, but somewhat awkward visit – the first since I told him I have feelings for him. Work interrupted and I was obviously disappointed but c’est la vie. I felt I needed to say something after, though, or I feared the awkwardness would grow.
That’s when he said flying is hard, which I thought was interesting. Does he think it really is just a crush?
Anyway, I told him that the information was new to him but the feelings have been growing for quite some time. He said he knew but was just enjoying the flirting, the lines were clear when we were both in relationships. Now he fears that something might happen between us if we spend too much time together and, although it would be nice in the moment, it “a recipe for heartache and disaster.”
“But damn it would be great, I can feel it in my bones.”
Oh yeah, it would.
I reminded him that my original comment had been that I’d be interested if his situation changed; and that I am not interested in fooling around on the side, no matter how I feel about him.
I really like how he has dealt with this. When I sent the original text, it hadn’t crossed my mind that he might screw around on his girlfriend, and it bothered me when I thought he might. He doesn’t, he won’t, he is good, I am still falling. I can’t try to fly until he gives me clearance. I believe that will happen eventually. I don’t know why, I just do.
And, if it doesn’t, that’s okay too.
More than anything, I don’t want that right now. I’m not ready. If this happens the way I think it will, it will be all in. I’m not ready for all in right now. I still need more time in the panty-wetting stage. Shit, I’m really falling for him.