It’s all over but the crying

There was a moment last night, while Gem cried in my arms as Miul looked on, that I thought What have I done!?

Am I sure this is what I want? Do I understand what I am giving up? Do I realize the struggles I am taking on?? But the answers were yes, yes, and yes. This is right.

I told him when he came home from work on Wednesday. It wasn’t my intention to spring it on him like that but he was going to therapy in the afternoon so I thought it might be a good time.

And it was, really. It needed to be said, we needed the break to start the healing.

He’s okay. He thinks he can’t handle it but he can, he will. I tested this five years ago, before I moved here, before I fell in I made certain he could heal if I fell out. Gem will be okay too. They will hate me some day, I expect. They have every right to do so. I just want them to heal and be better for this. As I will heal, I will be better for this.

I’ll go first.

 

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