I just got home from the dentist. Everything looks good. Warned me to stop drinking Diet Coke, as per usual. But when I asked my most amazing dental hygienist the reasons my teeth might be sensitive sometimes, she asked if I was stressed because that makes people clench their teeth which causes sensitivity.
So, I checked. I asked myself, am I stressed? No, I don’t think so.
I have developed this enormous crush on this man who is completely unavailable to me in every possible way. If this were my former self, I would be trying to charm his pants off. I would also be irrational, short sighted, selfish and difficult. I would be moody and dark and quiet and thoughtful/thoughtless. Now I’m just stuck on the math of it all.
With respect to my time, I expect to live another 58 years. Sure the last twenty I’ll probably have to retire my vagina because it will be completely worn out (one can dream, can’t one? ;)). So lets say I have 38 reasonable years to love someone.
I told myself I’d give Mil 10 of those years, 5 years ago. So that leaves me with 5 more years before I can ask myself that question again: how now, brown cow; which way will I go next? And where I’ll end up doesn’t even come into play at that point because I only control the road I choose, what I will find on that road only partially has to do with me.
Will 33 years be enough to do the things I want to do? Am I throwing time away right now?