Numbers game

Let’s compare and contrast my former opposite-gender relationships, shall we?

Ex1 (1987-1990) We were 15ish when we got together. I told everyone I didn’t like him, he told someone he liked me, five minutes later we were making out. We had fun together, we were equal somehow, perhaps it was what they like to call ‘horny’. I never did particularly like him in public, he irritated me when other people were around. We broke up and got together a hundred times. I screwed around on him because I was afraid he’d screw around on me because everyone told me that’s what people do (I watched a lot of soap operas and read my mother’s romance novels). I liked him better when I couldn’t have him. We slept together twice, the first time I fell in love with him (the night before he went to university), the second time (three months later when he came back) I was over it.

Ex2 (1996-2001) – I was 24, he was 38. He owned the house I rented with a couple of friends, I thought his age meant he was mature and knowledgeable, I loved his dad (like a dad). I was fresh from the nest, he was insecure enough that he thought it was hip and young to have an adoring fan by his side. He was disappointed I was chubby and thought it was important that I not be. He wasn’t the person I thought he was, we got over it at about the same time.

Ex3 (2002-2006) – I was 31, he was 36. We met online the day after my friend convinced me to sign up a profile on a popular dating site when online dating was still relatively new. He was from the same place I was, he made me laugh, his penis was beautiful, he got me and he didn’t require me to lose weight – it was fate. We were so the same. It was an outrageous roller coaster ride and I constantly tried to get off. He helped.

Ex4 (2006-2007) – We dated for a short while after I left Ex2, we had an incredible meet-cute. We smoked a lot of pot, he was a child, he was fun but he was a child.

That’s it, that’s the list. I have had well over 30 lovers since, before and in between. I fall in love at first site but I fall out of love even quicker. The trick for me was to find someone I could fall in love with over and over. I only fear that has run it’s course.

Ex5 (2011-    ) a.k.a. Mil, this story is yet to be told.

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