That being said, something I think it’s important that you know about me is that I tend to go all in. Two feet, whole heart – that is my life motto and my natural state. I go all in with love and work and relationships and ideas and money and food and…well, you get the idea. It is the thing I now love most about me and the thing I have spent most of my life trying to repress.
So now, in going all in, I have to be open to any possibility. Unionguy is becoming a mentor and a friend. Yes, I think he’s sexy and if I was single he would have been in my bed already, or close to it.
But love of my life? Who knows? These aren’t answers I will know for a very long time. I’m getting closer to perfect but what that entails I have yet to discover. I might never get closer than I have right now. And what I have right now is good and has the potential to be awesome. I just don’t know yet, this isn’t under my control, so I stick a pin in it and get busy concentrating on something else.
Namely, becoming someone who shows up and gets the job done. I miss my old self, the putterer, the mover, the thinker, the worker, the friend, the sometimes stoner, the lover of life, the adventurer, the doer. And now my emotional aspect won’t play as much of a role.
I cm 2 b gr8, don’t I? 😊
In other news, he came in again today. I texted him this morning to ask about that marketing info he told me about during our last session. He sent it. My vagina got moist. He texted me later and said he was coming to visit his mom, did I have 5 minutes to say hello. I said yes please. He stayed for an hour.
And all we talked about was marketing and he didn’t smell as good but he looked real good and we flirted a little tiny bit. I’m getting a kick out of having someone new to fantasize about when I’m alone. A new taboo, perhaps. I’m not as brazen as I used to be, I no longer need to force the issue to get an immediate answer. I’m just living my life here, my soul deep happiness gives me the power to just be me.