What I want to say, but never will

When do I get to just be myself and have an opinion? What happened the world where I have an opinion, you have an opinion, we discuss and learn from each other, and we are each better for it? I didn’t realize that your opinions were direct orders. I was trying to have a conversation. I thought you wanted to hear my opinions. Why wouldn’t you want to hear my opinions? I have good opinions! You know I want to be promoted eventually. Don’t you want to know what I’m made of? You could listen to my opinions and not feel like I’m being an asshole but genuinely trying to be better. Better than me, not better than you. While I’m on the subject, you really don’t need to treat me like you have to make sure I know you’re better than me, I know it already, let’s compare paystubs. But, in that, teach me, lead me, guide me. My success is your success, after all. Why are you trying to hold me back? You are supposed to be the boss, not “the boss of me”. Step up and act like it for once.

Then I’d also add: For fuck’s sake!! But I won’t. That’s rude.

I won’t say any of it because I just realized that she thinks she needs to strong arm me because she thinks that’s how it’s done. She’s Stephanie. Ugh, I thought I got away with that one. Nice try.

Okay, let’s go at this in a different direction.

I had a bit of a talk with my boss today and told her that we need to stop venting our work shit to each other. She is my superior and we shouldn’t trash talk our bosses the way we do. They are telling her that my “behaviour” reflects badly on her and they’re right. Also, though, maybe her behaviour is reflecting badly on me. She sees things far more negatively than I. She also doesn’t see details. Doesn’t hear details and realize why everyone is so upset. She is a drama magnet. Yes, it’s time to take a step back. Sorry, boss. We’ll both be better apart.


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